I did not read the full thread but I needed to answer what you wrote very briefly.
You should learn perek lamed beis in Tanya, over there it speaks about what you write over here.
One simple question that I have for you: if your own child were to decide to go otd or to become a tzioni, would you still prey for his death and downfall, as is written in the bracha of ?????????, or would you do everything in your ability to bring them back because it�s your own child?
To Hashem, every yid is like an only child.