WOW, you have a background in psychology? Awesome! I have a huge problem and need advice… Ok, its not really my problem but you see I have a friend who has a 16 year old son who decided that he was no longer interested in being frum. He used to be a great boy who learned torah all day long, I mean for 12 hours a day-can you believe that?!?! He used to wear a white shirt and black pants, go to minyan, keep shabbos and was very respectful to his parents and family. He got bullied in school sometimes and the RY was also someone who was very tough on the boys but my friend didnt really do anything about it because he was sitting and learning so she figured thats the only thing that mattered and everything else would somehow solve itself. Additionally, he was very musically and artistically inclined but he never did any extra-curricular activities because well, boys like him have to learn torah for 12 hours a day, what does he need anything else for? so basically, he was an excellent frum, yeshiva boy and my friend never had any problems with him.
That changed. first he did not want to go to yeshiva, then he wanted to wear jeans and t-shirt that nebbich the goyim wear:( he made new friends with some street kids who were apparently a bad influence on him because eventually he stopped coming home some nights and slept all day etc. then to make matters worse, he got a piercing. how embarrassing for my friend:( now he is disrespectful and angry, is on his computer all day (he bought himself a computer) and is basically doing whatever he wants.
my friend is at her wits end. she offered to send him to college, karate classes, sports, even low pressured yeshivas where they can wear whatever they want and learn part of the time and maybe do creative activities the rest of the day etc anything to get him to change his behavior and become frum again but to no avail. he does not want to do anything without his street friends and he certainly doesnt want to see a therapist.
my friend is hurt and broken while her husband is angry at the whole situation. she has other children that could probably need help but they are still very frum and learn torah (in fact, her 12 year old learns for 10 hours a day) and besides, they see how horrible the 16 year old is and how much pain he causes their parents so my friend decided that they definitely would not follow in his footsteps. so my friend thinks its ok for the other children to continue with their lives as is even though they are traumatized by the situation and refuses to put them into therapy or allow them to participate in extra-curricular activities.
anyway, to make a long story short, my friend has already spoken to a rav and a therapist on how to deal with the son (who she thinks is depressed but has never had him officially evauluated) but still nothing has changed, in fact things seem to be getting worse:( a lot of people have suggested so many things but she is not really receptive to anything (i personally think that she is in so much pain that she can’t really think straight anymore). she also lives in a very hareidi community and she is terrified that it will effect the shidduchim for her other children-if it hasnt already…
WOW, she desperately needs help, what do you suggest she do?