yankel > fact is that RZ tried for years and still suffer a 30% OTD rate.
I am not qualified to analyze this number and who is included. I’ve seen some pretty political and extreme people who call themselves RZ. I think they became like that due to ideological education rather than army. And if they go further away in the army, it will be their previous experience and not the army’s fault. I see same in MO community in US. On one hand, a number of day school grads going in a wrong way, but then many of them came from problematic families to begin with.
But practically speaking:
1) charedi community had 80 years in the desert to adapt, courtesy of Israeli taxpayers. This is double of what Hashem thought is necessary to fix a generation of yetzey mitzrayim. If 80 years is not enough, then you have to plan to come back to society when Moschiach comes and establishes a perfect society – but it will be achieved by mitzvos of others.
2) continue repeating your (reasonable) conditions of joining the army instead of flat rejection, Look for ways to do something productive. Organize a unit of delivering food, another – giving divrei Torah, another – watching over neighborhoods. Do it on your own, dont wait for army to come knock on your door.