Read Rabbi Aryeh Kaplans books. He will clear up a lot of the murkiness for you.
Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan’s books are fabulous! If you have questions about God or just want to learn about deep mystical topics that can really make you appreciate the beauty and depth of our Torah, read his books! They are great!
Beyond a Reasonable Doubt by Rabbi Shmeul Waldman is also a great book for those who have questions regarding Yiddishkeit.