Couples need to know that Marriage is hard work and that you have to nurture a marriage, it does not take care of itself, what you put into it is what you get out of it. And that is the key “putting in”. The secular concept of marriage in 50/50. That is not the Jewish concept in marriage. The Jewish concept of marriage is 100/100 percent commitment. Meaning that each partner must give 100% to the other. When doing so, each partner also gets 100% and neither partner is ever lacking in anything. If one only gives 50% you are always waiting for the other 50% and you are always lacking 50%.
The other concept is that marriages are NOT disposable. Kids go into marriage with the concept that divorce is an option if it doesn’t work out. DIVORCE should never be considered an option. AND they have to realize that “not working out” is also not an option, they have to work on it, and work it out each and every day. Each partner has an obligation to their spouse, each and every day and their obligation is not to let anyone or anything get between themselves and their spouse in any way. That means people, parents, job, learning, etc. Whatever it is, whatever mashehu, they need to clear it up before it becomes something big. Even one’s own wants and desires should be weighed against their commitment and obligation to their spouse. Look at the entire picture, what is truly more important? Too many people put their own personal “needs” into play instead of taking into account what their “needs as a couple and family” are.
They also need to learn to forgive and move on and never to hold a grudge, learn to “listen to understand” and to apologize with sincerity. It is too bad when someone wakes up one morning and decides “they need something else” and walks away from their family. Well too bad on you, you made a commitment to your spouse and family and once said you needed them. Whatever you think you need today, is not as important as what the whole family needs, you “need” to get over it or work it into to the whole picture.
As said so eloquently before, LOVE comes and grows from giving and not from taking. The more you give and take care of another person, your spouse or child, the more you love and care for them and the more you want to love and care for them. So when you get married, understand that the person you marry is the most important person in the world.
Reb Bezalel Rudinsky tells his bochurim that a wife is a matanah from Hashem. One must never neglect or forget to show appreciation for a matanah. Women by nature are nurturers. Hashem made us that way. When a man reciprocates the relationship grows and flows continuously.