I have been following CR threads that I find interesting for quite a while now, but this is the first time I am posting. As a frum, female lawyer, I feel uniquely qualified to speak on this issue.
I agree with many of the reasons offered to explain why “overeducated” frum women marry later and have fewer children, and I think this applies particularly to female lawyers.
1. It is generally true (although obviously not always) that frum female lawyers tend to come from more MO circles. I myself come from a totally NYC-style MO background, including coed schools and sleep-away camps. I went to a HS that stressed going to ivy league college and becoming a professional in some capacity. (Ironically, it was during law school that I began moving to the right and became simply “orthodox.”). We usually were not raised in families of more than 3-4 children, and thought more was excessive. Additionally, there was no pressure to start dating at 18-19 and get married by 21 at the latest. I know that I was completely not ready to get married at that age – I was still enjoying getting my 4-year college degree! I myself did not get married until I was 27, and I felt very little pressure the way girls today in the more yeshivish world do. In the MO world, there were plenty of singles and singles events. (I am absolutely not advocating that path, I am merely explaining why it wasn’t hard to be single even though by yeshivish standards I was an “old maid.”).
2. I also agree that many guys do not want to seriously date and marry women who are smarter than they are. Personally, I had multiple issues. I was in an Ivy League law school, was 5’8″, and was very athletic and outgoing. I was a total hit at the singles’ weekends, but guys just were not happy when I beat them at pool on a date! (That’s what we often did on frum dates “back in the day”). It takes an extremely secure guy with very healthy self esteem to be able to handle that, and B’H I found one such man!
3. I find the comment that women who go into OT/PT do not have the same shidduch troubles fascinating. I think that is probably true, although I’m not really sure why. I have several theories. One, as Sacrilege noted, PT/OT are accepted fields for frum women. I think that may be because women in those fields are more likely to work in the frum community and/or work with kids. They also are more likely to be able to set their own schedules, which makes them more family friendly. They are much less likely to be dealing with men on a regular basis, although of course many do to somoe extent. Lawyers, on the other hand, work very long hours (unless they are in the public sector as I am) and are constantly interacting with men. Two, I think a legal education differs from OT/PT/speech in one very important way. OT/PT/speech is a very specific type of education – you learn the science of a particular therapy and you apply it while working. Law school, on the other hand, provides a very different type of education. For the most part, you learn how to think, write, talk and argue like a lawyer. These attributes are not confined to your work life – they spill over into all aspects of your life and relationships. (You should hear me cross-examine my kids when something happens!). These attributes may not be particularly desirable to many men who are seeking a milder type of personality in their wives.
3. As for the comment that women in law school simply do not have time in law school to date, or are too tired, I disagree. I found the time to do many other things while in law school. However, if you go to any grad school out of a major frum area, it does severely limit your dating opportunities.
Thank you all for listening to my extended thoughts. I would be very interested to hear what you think.