i think some of you are under-estimating the pain, hurt, waste of time, and expense of just going out and then finding out that the person is not “shayach” at all. the importance of doing “research” is not just to find out that they don’t have some hidden malady (though i’m sure that many emotionally scarred spouses wished that they had done more research), but to help you find the right person without going out with tons of others, with all the hope, dressing up, etc. and then disappointment. i’m not so afraid of the disappointment, but the despair that comes with going out with so many people and not finding the right person is very harmful. it’s hard to date correctly and with optimism if gone out with so many before and nothing happened. (may then even miss signs that person is right because one is too depressed to date properly). much wiser and effective is to invest time to thinking of who truly are and what truly need and seriously look for that when doing research. if a person wants to be an engineer, why should he go on tons of interviews for jobs which are looking for a doctor, a teacher, a salesperson – just in case and will see what happens afterwards?
