I’m always impressed with how much the men know and I know that my tafkid is not to know gemorah like they do but to know the issues pertinent to my life. There’s a ton that you can learn if you want and it’s the women who know so much that really impress me. They did it while still making/building their houses. Truly amazing.
Squeak, do you want to know as much as your husband? Shouldn’t he be the rov of the house (and know when to go to his rov to ask shailos)? I think part of the shidduch crisis is that the girls know too much and we don’t know when to just listen – we want to voice our opinion too. The men don’t always like that. The biggest trick in finding the right shidduch I think is to find a man who is willing to take your feelings into account. This is what I was advised when I was dating my husband. My rebbetzin asked me if he would take me into consideration when deciding on a new chumra for the house or would he just barge forward. There are chumras that the man can take upon himself without forcing his wife to do the same (like not carrying on Shabbos even if there is an eruv) and there are chumras that will require a lot of extra work on her part so he should take that into consideration when deciding how to implement keeping that chumra.